Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just high enough for therapy.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
