good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
