Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You can't just leave with hair like that
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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