Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
