I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
All I want is dick and wine.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
