So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
