don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
