At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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