Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
