she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
