i just had sex bonerless
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
