i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Randomize