Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
