i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
