Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
