walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
