Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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