I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
