The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
