You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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