Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
