omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
