Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My dick has a subreddit
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
