From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
