Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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