why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
