Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
