I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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