On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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