Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
