He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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