I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
