So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
