"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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