Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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