I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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