This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
