I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
