When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
