Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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