I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
