If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
