Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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