Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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