mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
