I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
