There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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