pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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