Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
