i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He did a backflip because drugs
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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