White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
