She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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