he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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