She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
