are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
