Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
