My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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