I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
