she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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