with your own penis?
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
