Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
