Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
