it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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