I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
