It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
