Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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