You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
