i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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