I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
