She announced her abortion via fbk
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
