I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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