Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
