I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
