Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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