There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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