If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
