his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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