i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
