apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
