Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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