So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
