some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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