we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
