I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
