Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
