You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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