no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
