i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
