Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize