forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
