i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
