I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
