I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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