1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize