Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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