Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
