A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
