he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The air was thick with penises
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
