Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think people are normalizing furries
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
