Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
