do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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