Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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