I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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