i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
